Thanks to Kiana for the prompt to share some thoughts and advice on how to have a happy and successful marriage for Valentine's Day.
Jan's comments are in the red and I am in the black, red being symbolic of Valentine's Day. I am not sure what black represents...oh well.
I would have to say right off the bat that I was just fortunate enough to meet and marry a happy, optimistic, level-headed, inherently good, loving, kind, caring, charitable, humble, fun-loving, patient beyond words, willing to put up with me, young, petite, cute, short-haired blonde blue-eyed, beautiful girl! The young part has given way to not-so-young anymore for both of us, but the attributes ascribed have only increased with the passing of time. What do you mean "not so young"anymore? I think we're still young...until I pass a mirror, or look at a calendar. Dave was so much fun and full of optimism when we first got married. He still is. I remember going on a trip to Hawaii and leaving all you kids with grandparents and having so much fun. I told Dave,. "Now I remember why I married you." Remember to go and have fun together. Sometimes we need to be reminded, "why I married you."
Wow, to think about giving tips or advice on marriage is an interesting proposition. So much depends on what each partner brings to the original table. As Coach Tuckett, my health teacher at BYU said about marriage, "It is better to prepare than repair". The preparation period does pass, however, and gives way to ongoing compromises. One thing I learned early in our marriage, and I don't know if this would be classified as a 'tip' or 'advice' but rather an observation, was that as soon as I stopped trying to 'change' Jan and realized I needed to change myself, things got a whole lot better. Even now, after 36 years, this 'need' crops up once in awhile, but I have taken Elder Eyring's counsel to heart, and I would give this counsel as good advice, that being, Pray for the love that will help me see the good in Jan. Hope that wasn't too hard.... Pray for the love that will make her weaknesses and shortcomings seem small and that will make me want to ease her sorrows and lighten her load and that will make her joys my own. I can say I have tried to do this consistently over the past several years, and I believe that I have changed. He has... Now I need to do better and not keep trying to change him. I now listen to my ipod when he has the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on 24 hours a day...... I have prayed to recognize and 'feel' when these moments occur, and it does happen and it does 'feel' good.
We are married for Time and Eternity! There is no discard or delete button on this one. We are sealed together and sealed to you, our children. This guiding principle is and has been a source of great joy in our marriage.
Be a peacemaker. As I look back over the years, Jan and I always had a sense of finding peace whether raising the kids or interacting with one another. That is not in any way to say that there has never been a raised voice or a disagreement or even dare I say a full blown argument. Quite the contrary, but those blips have been few and far between and have always been resolved and 'peace restored'. Craig seemed to have a different memory of our peaceful home in his little paper he wrote in 2nd grade and then was published in the Salinas Californian. "I wish my family would stop fighting". Will we ever get over that embarrassing moment? Especially since we really did not have a lot of fighting in our home. Dave was really a great peacemaker. He would bring humor to an unpeaceful situations.
Laugh!!! Neece taught me the meaning of the old adage "and it came to pass-It ain't here to stay!!" Hopefully, Jan and I have found that balance between the seriousness of life and the humor in it all. Didn't Neece have a great laugh? Dave got his optimism from her.
Do all the 'family things' the gospel requires of us: Pray together, have family home evening, go out on dates, read the scriptures, etc. Simple things to say but difficult to do consistently, especially now in this 'electronic distraction' age. At our Ward Conference yesterday our Stake President counseled us to have a weekly date night. Even going for a walk together counts. We all need to be better at this.
Be cheerful. Jan has always been such, and to this day I enjoy calling her and just hearing her cheerful voice on the phone. That's so sweet Dave. Actually being silly and having funny family jokes is a part of our family. Also, having funny little things only between the two of you. Keep the kids wondering "what are they laughing about now?"
Here is the hardest tip to try and achieve. Be selfless. Selfishness rears its ugly head all the time, every day and in many circumstances. I now try to play a little game in my mind when I find myself thinking too much about me, me, me and not enough about Jan, Jan, Jan. I just stop and tell myself to 'stop it' grow up and move on and then I say a silent prayer and ask for help to put my thoughts where they belong. Easy to say but hard to apply. I am getting better at it I think, so to put in a nutshell, pray for better selfless thoughts? that's a good one Dave. I need to be better at that.
Finally, I just know through personal testimony that these feelings and bonds of love and family do continue and I simply want to be worthy of them now and in the future. It is a privilege to be the receiver of such gifts and the greatest gift I have received is a wonderful companion, my 'sweets'. I love it when he calls me "sweets". That started years ago.
Dave wrote wonderful advice. I've been blessed to have him as my husband and I know you guys have been blessed to have him for your Dad. Pretty good for a guy who didn't really have a father figure to pattern after. We all need to follow his advice. Love you Dave.
And to top it all off, Jan gave me this cute card. Perfect, sweets!
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